Written March 2021
Hey Sno Flakes! I’m back. How is life treating you? Me? Glad you asked. It has been a long two years. You ready for some more tea? Here we go.
Recently, if you are following along, I had a major trauma happen in my family. Well, a few actually, but one in particular. Go back and read my blog post “The Comedy of Life”. Long story short? We lost someone very dear to us, specifically my husband of 17 years. I won’t go into detail. You can go read it for yourself.
If you follow my blog, you will hear me brag often about my husband, and the love we have for each other.
Basically, after Freddie passed, I went into a slump. A really low place I didn’t think I could pull myself out of. After months of depression, no more family gatherings, Friday night dates, snuggling on the couch. Even breakfast was different. When I was struggling to now pay bills that my husband took care of, it was then I realized, my entire world is gone. No one is calling, stopping by, no one cared. At least that is how I felt. I am ashamed to say, I thought about taking pills numerous times. A lot of them. But God had another plan. Ok, I am going with God. I will not give up. Freddie would not be happy. I can hear him now, “get ya’self up and stop it! Sugar, we don’t do suicide. I’m waiting on you. I’ll see you later sugar!”
So I re-evaluated what was left of my life. I prayed and cried, and cried some more and prayed. Then one day, as I was sitting on the beach at night, I heard clear as day, “move. Go home to your family.” It was then I decided to sell everything, and move back home to Illinois. Mind you I have not lived among them for over 30+ years. I visit often, but after two or three days, I can’t take it and go home. You must remember, I have lived in Birmingham Alabama for over 20 years. My family is as country as you can get. I’m talking about a town of only 1400 people, no fast food, farms, horses, and of course southern sweet tea every day. We use so much sugar, it is ordered at restaurants as “southern sweet”. Hence, the basis of my blog.
Anyhow, I sold everything. My husband’s motorcycle, the house, his truck, and took a Uhaul with all my things, and went North. (Thanks to Karen & Edward) for driving me. That was the hardest trip I ever had to take. It felt like I was leaving Freddie behind. Technically no, as I had his ashes with me. But mentally, I was distraught.
I found a cute little house an hour away from Mom, in Paducah Kentucky. Button and I were going to be ok. It had a cute little yard, close to everything, and I could afford it. My brother, Dale just lives right around the corner. After what seemed like the longest year in my life, I finally got settled in. After the emotional roller coaster of days to pass, things started looking up. Oh, it took a minute to adjust to country life. But I wouldn’t have done it any different. I love it here. (Check back in 3 months.)
Now, Button and I are okay. There are days when I still get really down. Grief takes time. But I now have more good days than bad. I can talk about Freddie without crying. When I do feel an episode coming on, I pack my bags, load up the car, and Button and I drive an hour North to Eldorado and spend a couple of days on my bestie’s farm. It is just what the doctor ordered. Peace, tranquility, and lots of cats. 32 to be exact. It’s a joke among us. “How many cats are there today?” (That’s another post.)
I am telling you all this for a reason. No matter how bad you may think life is, there is always someone worse. It may not seem like it now. But life will get better if you just hold on, fight, and get around people who can encourage you. Having a support system is major important. I thank God every day that I didn’t give in to impure thoughts from an enemy trying to take my life! I thank God for my mother, my family, and everyone who has ever called and checked on me.
Until next time, remember, Jesus loves you. I love you. Call someone. Don’t attempt whatever it is you may be dealing with alone. Life is too short to be so sad. I will have some fresh tea waiting. See you later sugar.
If you or someone you know is dealing with depression, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States.
All photos taken by Snow Wilson.
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